[Life] and death

Today I am going to my cousin's funeral. He hung himself a few days ago. He leaves behind a young child and many grieving family members.

I'm not that close to that side of my family - mostly because of sheer distance. They all live about four hours drive away from us, and when I was growing up, we spent a lot more time with my mom's side. So I think the last time I saw this particular cousin was most likely at my grandfather's funeral, about ten years ago. His death does not significantly alter my life.

That in itself is terribly sad.

My head is full of thoughts about family, and death, and why the two can be counted on to intersect when nothing else seems powerful enough to bring people together. I couldn't even bring this young man's face to mind when my dad told me over the phone. Most of the people at his funeral, I won't recognise. But I go, because blood ties are strong. Because death is the one thing that we all share. Because I want to be there for my dad.

And because I am grieving - not for the loss of what I had, but for not ever having it to lose.